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Monday, May 13, 2013

let her sleep...

... for when she wakes, she will move mountains.

(I'm not certain who originally said this. I saw this on Pinterest.)

ELC had seen the following "25 Rules for Mothers of Daughters" floating around Facebook and printed out a copy for me to read and keep. I'm also not sure of this source and thus cannot give them proper credit -- which is quite unfortunate because I adore what they wrote. It rings true to my heart. I love my daughter with every ounce of my soul. And I'm equally blessed because I get to be the daughter of an incredible Mom -- my ELC -- my inspiration.

Without further ado...

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you... Then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle -- gasp! She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet Mr. Right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes -- let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games... her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother's Superman cape with high heels, allow it. If she wants to wear a tu-tu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that women can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself -- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her -- no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls -- just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models -- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful women -- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts or authors. Read to her about influential women -- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational women -- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. "I love yous" and "Eskimo Kisses" go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years old in the parking lot or 16 years old in the mall, hold on to her always -- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date or the first day of college -- remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him -- one who lets her be herself... She is, after all, wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5x5 dorm room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page, and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love -- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her -- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her Daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later let her blast noise and head-bang in her bedroom with her door shuts if she wants -- or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics -- like the Beatles -- and listen to her latest favorite -- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together. It will bring you closer or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter. You are not only her mother. Be her friend, too.

20. Teach her manners, because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made-up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat -- let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect -- she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words -- she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I-told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds "The One." And when she finds "The One," tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother -- to her -- is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood so one day she will want to be a mother, too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets -- no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday, when her husband rubs her back in an attempt to comfort her, she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you -- welcome her. When  she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news -- embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you -- find her. When she needs advice on boys, school, friends or an outfit -- tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor, where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile -- be home.

ELC followed every last one of these rules with me. I pray I am this to my precious Little Leighton.

And now, between this and Sarah on The Voice singing an ELC favorite, "The Story," I'm boo-hooing my eyes out.

Smooches, y'all. And nighty-night.

1 comment:

The Leightons said...

Darling TLC,

Of course I love this! Like you. Like most women would, right? I love every single last word. As I re-read it for maybe the 5th time, I kept giggling at No. 11. Because of how we laugh at the way people look at us when walking the Malls. We do hold hands and stay close to each other. (Okay, sometimes we do it because we're both a little worried I could trip.) Mostly we just want to hold on tight. To the day. The experience. The moment. It seems like that makes others curious and a tidbit uncomfortable. It just tickles us, doesn't it? We love that we don't care!

Thank you for posting this. Thank you for your sweet, sweet words. Thank you for being THE BEST MOM Little Leighton could ever hope to have!

Now I need a tissue--or two...or the whole box...