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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Our Big Non-Fat Greek Yogurt Diet

As of this moment, TLC and I have been on the Dukan Diet for 3 weeks and 3 days.

We agreed in January that we were both ready to do something about the weight we have gained since TLC’s wedding. After months of, well, eating, plus research, consideration and discussion of several options/ideas, Weight Watchers and The Game On Diet were moving to the top of our list when a friend told me about her success with The Dukan Diet.

I emailed TLC immediately and said I was going to order the book from Amazon. She promptly emailed back and reminded me I had asked her to order it in April. Imagine that. I had completely forgotten. Then I remembered seeing Dr. Dukan on one of the morning shows—probably Good Morning America—the week of the Royal Wedding. Kate and her Mum had both been on his diet. (We expect to look like them any day now—stand by—we’ll post pictures soon.)

Since we live too far away to share the book, I purchased my own (next-to-the-last) copy and we took a few days to read it. We discussed it over the phone a couple of times and at great length. I could keep my Diet-Dew-Addiction and enjoy a Coke Zero now and then. Yep—he had me at that! We decided it was worth a try. We’d start together—we’d stick together—we’d encourage each other—we’d be accountable to each other.

image via ELC
her Dukan resting peacefully on her boudoir pillows
(as it silently tortures us with NO CARBS, SUGAR or ANYTHING FUN)

For the past three weeks we’ve NOT had: sugar (only Splenda), any bread—even whole grain, cereals, ice cream, chips of any kind, potatoes of any kind, cookies, cakes, fruit, cheese of any kind, rice, beans, anything fried, wine or any other form of alcohol.

What we have had is: a lot of chicken, lean beef, lean pork, eggs, non-fat Greek yogurt (we’ve had TONS of this—well, not literally—but we do eat between four and twelve ounces each day—and we LOVE IT—especially with some Splenda and a teeny bit of vanilla mixed in—YUMMO), non-fat milk and non-fat cottage cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, green beans, asparagus, (we throw in some jalapenos every few days) and oat and wheat bran (but no more than 3 tablespoons per day—of both—not each). We also have two patient husbands who act like they’re growing a tiny bit weary watching us suffer, but, truthfully, I think they’re proud of us. We forgive them every day for eating all of the things we cannot. Sweet little men o’ ours.

Soon we’ll be adding fruit, a couple of slices of whole wheat bread, and two “celebration” meals a week when we head into Phase 3—called the Consolidation Phase. For TLC that should be around August 1st. For moi? September 1st. If I’m lucky. Just in time for our 33rd wedding anniversary. Yippee!!! (I’ll be tres disappointed if I’m not as thin as Meg Ryan.)

Yesterday was an all-protein day and TLC was really… well, hungry. Possibly on the verge of grouchiness. Here, now, is a portion of an email she sent to me while she took a few minutes for lunch:

“Foods I desperately miss—

In no particular order…

Blue Bell Ice Cream. Specifically Banana Pudding and Buttered Pecan. Out of this World. It’s painful to type this.

Peanut Butter. As you know, I can literally eat spoonfuls out of the jar.

Avocados and Corn. It’s Summer. Summer screams guacamole and grilled corn. Darn that Dr. Dukan. (Or maybe it’s DARN both sides of YOUR gene pool, ELC.)

Chips and Salsa. And what goes best with that delightful combination? SANGRIA. Oh, how Jerry Jeff and I love Sangria Wine.

Cheesecake Factory. (Okay—it’s not a food. It’s a place. So what? Got a problem with that, Mom?)  I miss their sourdough bread smothered in butter. I miss their Spicy Chicken Factory Nachos (with extra jalapenos and sour cream). And, most of all, I miss their sinfully decadent Red Velvet Cheesecake.

French Fries and Sweet Potato Fries and Sonic Tater Tots. Basically potatoes in any form.

Cupcakes. Nuff said.

Great. Now I’m starving and depressed.

I think I’ll go eat a few slices of deli turkey. Wa-freakin’-hoo.”

To which I replied:

“I miss Peanut M&Ms. Sister Schubert rolls with Land O Lakes butter. Ginger snaps—when Dad is eating them in front of me every single night of our lives while we watch TV. Sonic Baby Burgers (not what they are technically called—that’s what I call ‘em) and Small Tots. DQ Mini-blizzards (especially the German Chocolate Brownie Double Fudge Cookie Dough Oreo Mint with Snickers Blizzard-of-the-Month—not real—but sounds fabulous, right?). Shredded Wheat and Bran. Crazy. I know. Oranges and strawberries and kiwis and green grapes and cantaloupes. Awww. Cantaloupes. And Peanut M&Ms. Oh, I said those already.Things are getting fuzzy. Do you have a problem with that, Ms. Whiny Diet Girl? Oh, now I’m really sorry, Sugar. Wonder where we could get some Cranky Pills?”

If you see us, please don’t offer us any wine. We can’t have it. But we want it REALLY bad. Okay. Offer it. If you must. Pinot Grigio would be awesome. Mad Dog 20/20 won’t be turned down. J/K. Not really. Yes, of course I am.

Gotta scoot… gotta head to Wally World… out of Greek non-fat yogurt.

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