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Thursday, April 26, 2018


…in America. (Not the movie.) And lost in Texas. To be more specific. North Central Texas to be even MORE MORE specific.

Let me explain:

This past Monday, My Sweet Hubby (aka MSH) and I went to Granbury, Texas, from our country casa. It’s about thirty miles East of us. We like to go there to do our grocery shopping. There are two HUGE stores that—between the two of them—have everything we ever need. Plus they have a Walmart. Plus PLUS they have a Tractor Supply. And a Lowe’s. And a Home Depot.

Yes, we could go into our town. Which is much closer. That’s true. And, of course, we do. Usually 3-4 times a week. There is a Walmart. And an HEB. For a town its size and the home of a State University? We'd all tell Y'all we believe it is cRaZy NUTS we only have two grocery stores. (We're going to get an Aldi’s. My thoughts on that? You either like Aldi’s or you don’t. I’m not someone who likes that chain. So that won’t really help me. Not to mention the fact that Granbury also has an Aldi’s. If I did like it.)

On our way home from our shopping, we were stopped. On the highway. By a construction crew. For FORTY (that is 40FourOOHHHH) minutes. Could we have turned around? Yes. We could have. And we discussed that option at about the 25-minute mark. BUT the way we’d have had to go to get home? Would have taken us an additional 20-30 minutes. So…an hour total. Minimum. We kept wanting to believe that any second the cars ahead of us were going to move. We'd be home within 20 minutes once we got a'goin'.

As we eventually proceeded down the road—once we were allowed to move? Unbelievable what we encountered. They were working on the shoulder of the highway. One shoulder. For maybe one hundred yards. It. Was. RIDICULOUS. (It was also lunchtime. So there you go.)

Of course, I was checking Facebook to see if anyone ahead of or behind us was posting on a site called “Breaking News.” Yes. They were. Posting that they'd been stopped. For too long of a time. And no one could understand why. (I'd bet there were at least 60-70 cars behind us. And we had no idea how many were in front of us. MSH couldn't see where the line started.)

Here was our biggest dilemma once we got home and got everything unloaded:

The next day, this past Tuesday? We had to go back to Granbury for MSH’s semi-annual followup appointment with his cardiologist.

While getting ready Tuesday morning—for his 11:30 appointment—I suggested we go the “backroads.” We’d be able to leave over two hours ahead of time and, once in Granbury and near the doctor’s office, we could run into Walmart. Or Walgreen’s. Or Home Depot. All said stores very close to said office. Kill a little time. Be there.

One more thing:

I was not going with MSH in his truck. I was going to be in my vehicle because, from the doctor’s office, I would be headed East to TLC’s. Her Hubby was out of town and she needed me to stay with Baby Elle while Little Leighton went to a “makeup” soccer game.

Off MSH and I went, leaving at 9:10 a.m. (By the way…the backroads we’d be navigating? BEAUTIFUL country. Seriously stunning.)

When we got to a little town called Lipan, I passed a digital sign that said:

Highway 4 closed ahead

(MSH later told me he never saw that sign. Which was disturbing on three levels:

  1. I apparently didn't believe it.
  2. I didn’t call MSH and say: “I think we need to turn around. Our plan is not going to work. And
  3. That MSH did not see that BIG digital sign. Yikes.)

Approximately three miles past said sign, there she was. The Construction Lady whose job it was to stop us and make us turn around. As she came up to my car, I said to her—as nicely as I could:

“Oh, no. That’s my husband behind me. Will we have to turn around and go all the way back to 281? We’re going to Granbury for a doctor’s appointment.”

No, she said. Turn around here and take that Evergreen Road down there to the right. It will wind you back around to 4. Past where our construction is.

“Okay,” I responded. “Do we have to go far on this Detour? Is it several miles?”

No, she said. It’s only about a mile.

I pull up to MSH and tell him. He continued to follow me. As we go way past a mile down Evergreen Road, he called me. Asked me if I thought we were going the right way. I told him we were going the only way we could, according to The Construction Lady.

About FIVE MILES later, I called him:

“She must have told us wrong. Or I missed something she said. Or we missed another road we were supposed to take. I’ll just put Granbury in my car navigation and it can tell us what we need to do, right?”

He agreed this should work.

I pulled over to do just that. It showed me it was going to take us 43 minutes to get there! Which. Was. INSANE. What else could we do? If we tried to go back the way we’d come, that was going to take another hour! Minimum. Frankly, I was not even sure how to get back to the beginning.

I called him to advise him we were, possibly, in a pickle. He said:

“We’re going Northwest. We need to be going Southeast.”


Now, you might wonder how long it took me to make MSH get in the lead. The answer to that question is another 20 minutes. Once I started literally panicking, we pulled over—he put the address of the doctor’s office into his iPhone—and he got in front of me.

We finally, FINALLY, FINALLY got to Granbury at 10:50. A 30-minute trip had taken us 100 minutes. (If I’ve figured that out correctly. I’m also not good at Math.)

When we parked, he came over to my car and I said this:

We are quite sad and pathetic. We are not smart. That was scary. I don’t really know what to even think about our AWFUL choices. And when I say “our,” I actually mean “my.” I cannot believe you left me in charge for so long. What is wrong with you? On the upside? WOW. We saw some STUNNING mansions and ranches, didn’t we? There are some simply AMAZING places we had no idea existed, right?

At this point, we made the decision not to go to Walgreens. Or Walmart. Or Home Depot.

We chose, instead, to go on in to the doctor’s office and wait. With the hope he’d get in early.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Early. At a doctor’s office. We didn’t get back to an exam room until 12:00. Didn’t see the doctor until 12:35. He was very apologetic. (I mean, actually, if we’d arrived closer to 11:30 and NOT been through what we’d been through, it wouldn’t have seemed so frustrating.) We were nice. (We really REALLY like him.) MSH was in good shape. Even his blood pressure—after the fiasco we’d just been involved in—was surprisingly low. Ish.

At 74 and 64, MSH and I want to believe we’re wise. That we are still capable of learning. Growing. Make good choices and decisions. Tuesday made us both question this idea. But I will tell Y’all this:

As much as I cuss my iPhone (it is truly HOURLY that I cuss it) for MANY, MANY reasons, I trust the map in it much more than I will ever trust the navigation in my car. Yes. I need lessons. I have lots of lovely, fancy things in my car I have no clue how to use. Including Maps. Yes. I need lessons about my iPhone, too. Is it likely I’ll ever take the time to get either? Nope. Highly unlikely.

I promised TLC this:

I will NOT get that lost again. Not where I LIVE. Not where I’ve lived for over 43 years of my life. (I cannot promise Her Dad won't, however, get lost. He never saw that sign. Sheesh.)

Y’all have a FABULOUS Friday. A WONDERFUL Weekend. Don’t. Get. Lost.


P.S.--If I hadn't been going to TLC's? I would have been tempted to go find The Construction Lady and sweetly tell her that her directions SUCKED. BIG TIME. And it's occurred to me, more than once since Tuesday, I'm not much better than Gilligan. Or the Captain. Whoever. Except my 3-hour tour did end much sooner than his.

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