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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

the altar...

Here's the truth:

I. Am. So. Tired. Tired of cleaning my house. Tired of being grouchy. Tired of inconsiderate people. Tired of being sick. Tired of being tired.

I'm so sorry I've been absent, well, for basically over a year. I still cannot figure out how to parent two children at the same time most days. I'm out numbered. And the little one is FAST. Now we are trying to sell our home and buy another in a new, basically unfamiliar town. It's just a lot. I'm OCD to begin with, and knowing strangers are coming into my house to judge it, makes me extra twitchy.

I'm also fully aware how truly "first world" my problems are. I sincerely try to wake up and start each day with a grateful heart. My "problems" pale in comparison to most. And while I know, in the end, everything will all work out as it's supposed to, I'm still struggling with patience and (lack of) control.

ELC called me last week and told me about a sermon she had just re-listened to on her satellite radio. It was about a woman who struggled for years with infertility. She prayed every second of every day, until she finally, truly, surrendered to God. She told Him she wasn't going to ask Him anymore for a baby. She knew He knew the desires of her heart. She knew He knew those desires would never change. She only asked that He help bring her peace and happiness. She was going to leave it all at His altar. It wasn't long until she and her husband were presented with the opportunity to adopt twins. LOVE.

I know God uses our struggles to draw us nearer to Him. We have been on quite the rollercoaster in just this last week alone. Contract on our house. Contract not on our house. New people want our house. We get excited, only to see the said new people looking at the other house on our street that's for sale. New people no longer want our house. It's hard to NOT take it personally. So, I've done (okay...okay--I'm REALLY TRYING TO DO but still falling short) what that sweet woman did: I've left it all at God's altar. He knows I want nice, fair people to buy our house (and soon). We have been blessed with such sweet neighbors in this current town. I want to leave them with good people. He knows those desires won't change. I know He's working on my behalf and in His time. I have to find peace and comfort in that knowledge. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I try and take a deep breath and pray the prayer that never fails: Thy Will Be Done.

I fully contend I need to REALLY "let it all go." And not just "say it," thinking God will believe my words. I know I have to feel it. Live it. And I'm trying. I'll get there!

So, thereyougo. I'm a hot mess. Yet, through my messiness, there have been lots of sweet memories made over the last few weeks, too, and I hope to be back sooner, rather than later, to share lots of pictures!

Until then...and if you're still reading my ramblings--THANK YOU for your patience!

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