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Sunday, February 20, 2011

"Hail to the Chief!"

If I can’t be a country western singer, an OPI designer or a party planner when I grow up, I think I might like to be the first woman President of the United States. However, after I’ve served my term, I do NOT want a toll road (or, frankly, any type of highway) named after me. While I admire both of our former President Bushes (and I adore Laura), I'm not a fan of the turnpike in and around the Dallas/Fort Worth area named for “41.” It makes me stressed beyond my limit. I have no desire to have thousands of drivers shouting daily (or if they’re like me, “minute-ly”), “I can’t stand President TLC’s Tollway!” No, thank you.   

Since I heart making lists, I’ve decided to compile one on why I’m so over the toll roads of the Metroplex.

  1. Tollways are supposed to be more efficient, less-congested and faster. Right? Wrong. They’re not. Could someone pretty please remind the tollway peeps of these “objectives?”
  2. Why do we have to pay an insane amount of money to be stuck on what I (and many others) have termed the “parking lots” of DFW?
  3. Why do the “tollway authorities” think they can multi-task? Newsflash: You can’t. I’m no engineering genius (and – call me crazy), but it just seems logical that you should finish one construction project before starting another.
  4. If those overseeing the toll roads insist on having LARGE, multiple, and simultaneous construction projects, could you possibly give us, your loyal customers, a break occasionally? Have “Free Trips on the Tollway Thursdays?” Or “Pay No Moo-lah Mondays?” The gesture would be sincerely appreciated. Especially since there are lots o’ people without toll tags getting away with paying zilch every day.
  5. And finally, when not working on said projects, could you perhaps remove those annoyingly bright orange cones that reduce the roads to one lane five miles (or more) before the construction actually begins? What is up with that? I realize they’re there for the safety of all parties concerned. However, I think on Saturday and Sunday afternoons you might at least shorten the distance to, oh, say, one mile – instead of five.
I’ve had oodles of time to contemplate these problems – while I sit, going nowhere, on the parking lots of the tollways I drive (what feels like) 24/7. Like many others, I have virtually no choice on whether or not to travel on the Dallas North Tollway and President George Bush Turnpike. This is the route I am forced to take to and from work. Even on the weekends when I head south to visit ELC and Dad. My only other option might be 121. Oops, no. That’s a tollway, too. Dadgummit.

I do, though, have a “saving grace” that gets me through my daily work commute – Alexa Conomos on WFAA Channel 8 (ABC) in Dallas. ELC and I have been watching her since 2002 – long before I had to worry about the craziness of big city traffic. Not only is she a fantastic noon anchor, but she’s also a Traffic Goddess. I can promise you she’s genuinely concerned about her viewers and how she can help make their travels easier. I always tune in to Alexa in the mornings before I begin the treacherous trek to work. Thank you so much, Alexa! You help me retain what little traffic sanity I have left. Alexa should definitely be your go-to-terrific-traffic-resource.

As I’ve been typing this, I’ve been thinking about what else I might like named in my honor as Chief of the U. S. of A. I want it to be something happier. Cheerier. I’ve narrowed it down to two options. A mall (must include a Nordstrom) currently holds the number one spot.  But I would also take a bakery.

Which reminds me… gotta go find a mini-cupcake.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sorry, TLC, but my vote for the First Woman President will have to go to CeeCee!!!